... I get my book back from the editor. I'm excited now. The fear is gone. His few words of praise has helped immensely. In fact, not only did he say "very powerful and impressive", he also said "One of the best and most commercial I've worked on over the last five years..."
How about that then? :)
Let's see what later brings...
I've written about a creative's insecurities before. I'm plagued by them despite being a pretty confident chap over all. HE WHO FIGHTS is a perfect example. I know its the best thing I've written so far. Better than CRY HAVOC. Better than SWITCH/BLADE. Better than the first few drafts of HWF. But but but but but there's this nagging voice that tells me its still crap. That I can't write. That I should give up the dream.
I'm very lucky though that I can afford to have an editor look at it for me. Getting an expert pair of eyes to see if its good or not. He really helped me with both of my other books as well and remarked on the progress I made from the first to the second. I know he won't bullshit me - for good or bad.
But but but but as I wait for hid feedback, the voice tells me the book is terrible. That I should stick to the day job, that the reason he's taking so long to get back to me is because its really bad.
So I chased him today to see when he'd be getting back to me (because I keep checking my email every three seconds) and he said I needed to wait a few more days. Then he sent a separate email saying "Very powerful and impressive..."
"Very powerful and impressive..."
Four words that made me all excited again. That silenced the voice for now at least.
"Very powerful and impressive..." - that will do me for now.
As I've been doing more drawing, I've started trying to improve in areas that I'm weak in. I can draw a superhero relatively easily but I'm terrible at drawing women and I'm terrible at drawing backgrounds. So, with the aid of a few YouTube videos, I set out to do an illustration of Ziyi from Switch/blade and capture a sense of the futuristic Hong Kong cityscape.
I took my time, working on a two-point perspective and using a Bowen Black Widow statue as reference for Ziyi.
I started building the city around her and really that was the toughest part - working out what the buildings looked like. I had a visit to Doha that was quite inspiring as what they are building there is quite cyberpunk in its own way.
As I began inking, I think I lost some of the softness of Ziyi's face and the shape of her face suffered.
I'm really pleased with the finished version despite its flaws because it shows progress. As a start point for the next level of drawing, I think I've done OK. My favourite part is actually the parts of the city in the far distance. The nearer buildings either need more detail of less! Lets see how the next one goes!
6 days ago I heard from the editor on HE WHO FIGHTS that he'll have everything for me within 7 days which is tomorrow.
Its quite amazing really the insecurity I have about the book now. Maybe because I spent so long working on it, with so many up's and down's. Maybe its just the creative's curse. I doubt it will ever go away.
I must remember that as much as I'd love to be published and to earn money from my writing, I do it primarily because I enjoy doing it and I need to pull these stories from my head because I want to know what happens in them.
Everything else is a bonus.
I know I'm a better writer now than I was when I wrote CRY HAVOC. Better than when I wrote SWITCH/BLADE and better than when I wrote HWF. The question though is just how good am I?