I finished WE ARE THE DEAD again yesterday and sent it off to Rob to have a look at. I hope I've hit everything he felt needed building up. There's a completely new opening that I'm really happy with.
At first I struggled with the opening as I really liked what I had. My first attempts were basically rewriting what I had in a different setting. Then I remember John Yorke's advice from INTO THE WOODS: stories are about change. I knew where my lead character was at the original start and what her mood was so in the new version I had to put her in the opposite place. I had to make her happy and making friends - and then destroy it all. Once I worked that out it really flowed.
So fingers crossed, it's all good.