I've written about a creative's insecurities before. I'm plagued by them despite being a pretty confident chap over all. HE WHO FIGHTS is a perfect example. I know its the best thing I've written so far. Better than CRY HAVOC. Better than SWITCH/BLADE. Better than the first few drafts of HWF. But but but but but there's this nagging voice that tells me its still crap. That I can't write. That I should give up the dream.
I'm very lucky though that I can afford to have an editor look at it for me. Getting an expert pair of eyes to see if its good or not. He really helped me with both of my other books as well and remarked on the progress I made from the first to the second. I know he won't bullshit me - for good or bad.
But but but but as I wait for hid feedback, the voice tells me the book is terrible. That I should stick to the day job, that the reason he's taking so long to get back to me is because its really bad.
So I chased him today to see when he'd be getting back to me (because I keep checking my email every three seconds) and he said I needed to wait a few more days. Then he sent a separate email saying "Very powerful and impressive..."
"Very powerful and impressive..."
Four words that made me all excited again. That silenced the voice for now at least.
"Very powerful and impressive..." - that will do me for now.